The guy I used to date

It’s interesting the number of times I’ve heard dreams from women about “my first love,” “my first husband,” or “a guy I used to date a long time ago – I haven’t thought of him in years…”  I, too, have had a series of dreams about a particular boy with whom I was in school though never romantically involved.  These dreams contain an important message for us – for women. 

When we dream of men, whether it’s men we know or men we don’t know, young, old, little boys, we are dreaming of our own masculine aspect.  That is, the ability to get things done in the world.  A woman’s masculine aspect has nothing to do with being macho or manly or putting on tough-as-the-boys appearance.  It has to do with the ability to set goals, devise steps to achieve the goals and then executing those steps.  Our masculine aspect has to do with our intellect, reason, and logical thinking.  It also helps us maintain appropriate boundaries.  Our masculine aspect is necessary for the expression of our natural creativity – we need it to bring things into being.  Think of it as the inner psychological equivalent of “you’ve gotta have a man to make a baby.” 

Warning!  Too much masculine in a woman makes her act like an inferior man – bullying, bossy, opinionated, know-it-all, emasculating and without any sense of real relatedness or groundedness.  Too little masculine energy in a woman makes her indecisive, dependent, helpless, hopeless, unable to get anything done by herself.  She becomes dangerously dependent on the men around her starting with Daddy.

Women – when we fall in love for the first time, some part of that magic is that we are looking into the face of the beloved and seeing our own masculine part mirrored back to us, which may not have anything to do with who he really is!  You may remember the moment you realized he wasn’t who you thought he was and the magic spell was broken almost instantly.  So when you dream of him, you are, of course, being shown again a very special, very important facet of your own masculine side.  What has he come to show you about yourself?  Or that time in your life?  What attracted you to him in the first place?  Do you need more of that quality (or less!) in your make-up now?  In the case of my own recurring young man, in waking life he was very smart, organized, disciplined about work – but he was also a risk-taker.  He raced motorcycles, skydived and became an under-cover narcotics police officer.  I finally came to the conclusion I needed to take a few risks – not to jump out of planes or go into law enforcement but to be willing to do something different with my life, to take a chance on something once in awhile.  Then about six years ago I took a big risk and changed careers and it’s worked out better than I ever dreamed (ha!).  Guess what?  I haven’t dreamed about him since. 

More on this masculine aspect of women next time…..


Karen Mori Bonner, MS, LPC
368 Highland Colony Parkway
Ridgeland, MS 39157
Office Phone: 601.594.1961 Office

© 2019, Karen Bonner Counselor, LPC
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